Sunday, August 3, 2008

There are no bad girls, there are no good girls

When it comes to relationships, there are a few basic things that you should know and be sure about them. Like with any and every topic concerning emotions, there are a great amount of conspiracy running about relationships, especially the behavior of women in relationships.

Yesterday, I have read the fud (fear, uncertainty and doubt) about relationship issues that Mr. Kazanawa (see his picture above) has to spread. In his blog on Psychology Today's website, he is posting seemingly scientific hard facts about men and women and how they tend to behave in a relationship.

I have commented on his post too, however I tend to attempt ad hominem and blame him in person because of the feelings his writing provides. However, I believe that here I can explain some of the phenomena and why we have to think more analytically than science do.

Here is the link to Satoshi Kanazawa's post: Men do everything they do in order to get laid III

Here is my comment on that post:

This is scientific minimalism...
Submitted by Osman S Borutecene on August 1, 2008 - 11:23pm.

...and that is why your blog is titled as "The Scientific Fundamentalist". It is true, Mr Kanazawa, you are a fundamentalist and most probably you are a naive realist too. This is the hard truth.

Having statistical data in hand is not sufficient for your conclusions.

Before going on, I suggest you to read his post but there is this one paragraph from the post that can summarize a lot of his thinking:

In reality, however, women do often say no to men. (In my experience, they always do.) This is why men throughout history have had to conquer foreign lands, win battles and wars, compose symphonies, author books, write sonnets, paint portraits and cathedral ceilings, make scientific discoveries, play in rock bands, and write new computer software, in order to impress women so that they will agree to have sex with them. There would be no civilization, no art, no literature, no music, no Beatles, no Microsoft, if sex and mating were a male choice. Men have built (and destroyed) civilizations in order to impress women so that they might say yes. Women are the reason men do everything.

And here is another excerpt from another post of him about "why handsome men make bad husbands" that also helps summarizing his scientific belief:

All men may want to pursue the cad strategy; however, their choice of the mating strategy is constrained by female choice. Men do not get to decide with whom to have sex; women do. And women disproportionately seek out handsome men for their short-term mates for their good genes. Even women who are already married benefit from short-term mating with handsome men if they could successfully fool their husbands into investing in the resulting offspring. The women then get the best of both worlds: Their children carry the high-quality genes of their handsome lover and receive the parental investment of their unknowingly cuckolded but resourceful husband. (In order to help the women accomplish this, evolution has designed women to be more likely to have sex with their lovers when they are ovulating and therefore fertile, and have sex with their husbands when they are not.)

This is a belief system. There is a high proportion of fear, uncertainty and doubt about women in this belief system. This view is so wide that many men's magazines build their readership on that. There is a vast majority of literature and other industry that promotes the evil women. Maybe one famous piece of this is the famous Opera "La donna รจ mobile" by Guiseppe Verdi which translates as "woman is fickle".

Although there are many examples, both personal and scientific about how woman fickle, what most men understand from that is just how dangerous being in a relationship with any woman can be.

As I said, this creates a belief system where no one can have trust in women. This is non-sense. Statistics are plain lies on that issue and people have a corrupt perspective on that matter.

However, the literature of "affairs never have a happy ending" is more famous than the literature of "they lived happily ever after" just because emotional pain leads to more hyperactivity to write about it.

In fact, women are not evil. I don't believe that there are any difference in evilness among women and men. This is just a problem of humanity and it is not different among men and women neither in quality nor in quantity.

Research on dating, relationships, mating could be able to show reference and evidence on how women behave unfaithfully because there are a lot of bias, prejudice and hindsight behind them. Moreover, even if they are true for the space and time they occur, reaching a generalization from them is ignorance.

I have a lot to say about this, but in the meantime, I really wonder what you think. I am going to post on that issue again this week. For a clue and as today's early conclusion, let me say just this: There are no bad girls, there are no good girls. There are only our own reality tunnel and moods that makes us think so at one time and think different at another time.