Saturday, November 8, 2008

Obama has won the elections. There are lessons in this for personal change and development

Barack Obama was not new to U.S. politics. He has been on the seen for a very long time. There are lessons in his success as a presidential candidate. I don't talk about how he succeeded. I want to talk about people who thought that he is not going to win the presidential election. Those naive, too optimist people who try to make themselves look tough and pessimist.

Last week, I had a phone conversation with a friend about how hard or how almost impossible it is to become a famous, successful blogger. I had this discussions often in my office during my coaching sessions. People love to argue about how impossible a certain achievement is. Their argument is destined to fail. Because for every position, job, statue they argue about, there is somebody or masses of people that have achieved it.

Evaluate those arguments: "It is so difficult to get elected for presidency. So difficult that it is impossible". This is plain wrong. Obama is the 44th president of U.S. which means there have been people elected 44 times for presidency. How come that this is impossible?

"It is so hard to get an acceptance from Harvard University. So hard that it is impossible." If it is impossible, how come that there are still people, students, graduates in Harvard?

It's painful to see some people who don't see themselves worthy enough of achieving something particular. More painful to see that they think the same for everybody they keep in touch. Friends, family, colleagues. Anybody who say hello to them become an ordinary people, immediately. This is really very interesting. This is a self-worth issue that often extends to everybody those people know in person. Because they see themselves less worthy than any other people on earth and then they see people they know as their extensions so much that it is impossible for them to be worthy.

I'll try to discuss this issue this week.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Symptoms of inner peace

UPDATE! Well, this is from the net. looks like a forgotten, left into the cyberspace web site consisting of one page. The content is below.

Saskia Davis, the author of this text contacted me along with a complete text with her copyright information. This is a very nice piece of text to share:

© 1984 Saskia Davis
Be on the lookout for symptoms of inner peace. The hearts of a great
many have already been exposed; and it is possible that people, everywhere,
could come down with it in epidemic proportions.
This could pose a serious threat to what has, up to now, been a fairly
stable condition of conflict in the world.

Some signs and symptoms of inner peace:

* A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based
on past experiences.

* An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.

* A loss of interest in judging other people.

* A loss of interest in judging self.

* A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.

* A loss of interest in conflict.

* A loss of the ability to worry. (This is a very serious symptom.)

* Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

* Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.

* Frequent attacks of smiling.

* An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them

* An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well
as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.

WARNING: If you have some or all of the above symptoms, please be
advised that your condition of inner peace may be too far advanced to
be curable. If you are exposed to anyone exhibiting any of
these symptoms, remain exposed only at your own risk.

Saskia Davis
(for permission to reprint, write: to Saskia Davis <> or 10640 Exeter Ave. N.E. Seattle, Wa. 98125>)

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Do you really need to lose weight before achieving your goals or are you just procrastinating?

Many people put barriers in their own way by not prioritizing their goals. Do you really need to lose weight, quit caffeine, quit smoking, or any other thing before achieving your goals or are you just procrastinating in a different, hidden or creative fashion?

Suppose that your goal is to double your income in a given time. What you have to do is to work on ways how to just do that and then decide on certain actions and then simply act. I know it is not as simple as that but the mechanism is that simple. However, when it comes to action, sometimes people just start thinking about keeping their home clean, quitting caffeine, losing weight, and a series of things that are not directly relevant to their goal at all.

This is just another type of procrastination. It comes so real that you cannot separate quitting smoking or starting jogging from doubling your income in three months. In fact, it is irrelevant. This is just something your defense mechanisms come up with. The aim is to prevent you from going on with your prior goals. This is self-sabotage. When you think that you have to lose weight before doubling your income, you make it harder to achieve your goal in your conscious and unconscious thoughts. Unfortunately, you end up doing neither of them.

What is the solution? The solution is to decide on what you want to achieve first, and then to concentrate on only that. You have to get clear about the tools and actions required for you to accomplish your goal. You can make a list about those tools and actions and then you can carefully go over this list to see if there are anything irrelevant.

It would be very helpful to write clear statements so that you can see on paper whether what you think is really logical and relevant or not. For instance:

I want to double my income in three months. Therefore, I have to lose weight.

I want to start exercising for a healthy body. Therefore, I have to keep my room clean.

Can you see? There are a lot of things that you want to do and achieve but you may have irrelevant things in your mind preventing you from acting or just making your goal seem more difficult than it is, in your mind.

Moreover, if you want to double your income and you start from quitting caffeine, this can just result in a decline in your attention to things and this would even harden your action towards your particular goal.

Procrastination is not laziness. It is rather an intelligent and tricky way of resistance to the good and self sabotage. What about your particular irrelevant roadblocks? Would you like to inspect and share them?

Thursday, August 21, 2008

How to overcome learned helplessness

The most efficient solution for learned helplessness is to open your eyes and free your mind. Many of us think of learned helplessness as an inability. We tend to imagine this situation as not being able to do something. We also tend to believe that it involves fear.

Those are not close to the truth of learned helplessness. Let's review and remind the concept and then go on with the solution.

Learned helplessness is a psychological condition in which a human being or an animal has learned to act or behave helpless in a particular situation, even when it has the power to change its unpleasant or even harmful circumstance (wikipedia).

This is a case of strong learning. Usually, the inability does not come out of fear or strong emotions but it comes out of the new reality tunnel and established beliefs of the subject.

When a person is suffering from learned helplessness, he or she is not even aware of his or her state. When confronted with a situation which requires an act on the part of an individual, and this individual does not act accordingly, this is not because of a feeling of helplessness. It is because he even cannot think that he should act or he does not know that he can act.

Therefore, the key solution to learned helplessness is not courage but awareness. This is not a road in which the subject will be empowered. This should be a way of "dis-learning" or forgetting and learning again in a new fashion, what is being learned beforehand.

Learned helplessness is not an emotion, it is a belief.

Then how can one overcome learned helplessness? How is it possible for an individual who is not really aware or just barely aware of his situation?

So, learned helplessnes itself not an emotion but it can produce negative emotions usually so much that the individual knows deep inside about his helplessness. However the big obstacle is the resistance towards such a negative emotion and willing to work on it. It takes time.

When it comes to social interaction, learned helplessness has to be evaluated with feelings of guilt too. One feels helpless however she thinks she is the only reason for this feeling. In fact, since this is something learned, one should be sure of the fact that outside effects made her learn this helplessness.

So, the biggest help is insight about the helplessness and trying to decondition (can be also identified as reconditioning but deconditioning is a better definition) and unlearn it.

Starting with small steps may help. Let's suppose that your learned helplessness is about communicating with the opposite sex. In that case, the helplessness can be formulated this way: You are not able to affect any conversation with the opposite sex. This is the belief learned that causes helplessness. It comes as if he or she will not hear you. So most probably, you have been ignored in the past and learned that whatever you will do, the situation won't change.

To overcome such a learned helplessness, you have to try and expose yourself to the same situation again.


Your emotions tell you that there is something wrong. Maybe you think that you have to be more assertive to make yourself heard. Maybe you think that you are not from this world, you are rather an alien. Anyway, all of those thinking is very normal at this time.

Try to understand that what you think you are not able to do puts you in a special situation. Try to understand that you cannot be that special, it is simply impossible.


Your act should be based on your awareness. Since helplessness is something you have learned, at the unlearning phase, you may have to lose yourself a little bit. Try to forget who you are so that you are less bound with your conditioning. Meditate on the idea that you are somebody who is born just a couple of minutes before and everything you will do is up to you and not up to something you may have learned earlier because there is no past.

Really meditate on it. The problem with that meditation might be that you may be not aware of what you are not aware of.

Therefore, it may be a good idea to take help from a friend or a professional who will enhance your vision.

If you can achieve the meditation part successfully than you can start living a different life, day by day. You are going to become another you, who has unlearned the helplessness or has not learned it at all.

Learned helplessness is a kind of brainwashing and you can brainwash yourself for unlearning it.

There is going to be lots of trail and error and that's okay. Love yourself for your failures and convince yourself that your failures are just steps that will bring you to success with your unlearning process.

(to be continued)